La Grange Psychologist Shares Parenting Tips in New Book

Ask anyone. Parenting is a tough job filled with lots of challenges.

One of the biggest challenges can be communication, especially as a child turns into a teenager. Those years can often be difficult as youth test the boundaries of their parents’ rules, and often the limits of parents’ patience. La Grange psychologist John Duffy hopes his new parenting book The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens will be help parents bridge that communication gap and foster family harmony.

On Saturday, Duffy, a clinical psychologist, will be signing copies of his book at on Lagrange Road.

Duffy, the parent of a teenager, said many parents are in constant crisis management roles in their parenting styles. He said that makes it difficult to effectively communicate with a child.

“What we want to do is shift the communication to a more open and positive message,” Duffy said.

As a psychologist, Duffy primarily deals with teens and “tweens”, those youth between the ages of 10-12, and of course their parents. Many of the young people he treats have issues with behavior problems and many are using drugs and alcohol.

“Regardless of the issue the family theme is often the same, there is a marked disconnect between parent and child,” Duffy said.

Because he repeatedly found himself telling parents and children the same things on how to improve their relationships, Duffy decided to take pen to paper – thus The Available Parent was born.

“I really thought this was something that should be written down and made available to people. The more open and communicative a parent is with their child, the more likely that relationship will go more smoothly,” he said. “It’s about restoring and maintaining a strong relationship so that everything you do as a parent feels more effective. It’s about holding on to that connection and maintaining it, so you can enjoy tour kids more and be a more effective parent.”

Discussing various popular parenting methods, including “Tiger Parenting” and “Helicopter Parenting, ” Duffy said those kinds of  extremes can be detrimental to the relationship between parent and child. Duffy also said parents should not forsake their parenting duties for sake of being their child’s friend. However, he said parents should maintain a friendly relationship with their child.

“There’s a big distinction between being a child’s friend and being friendly with a child,” Duffy said. “Being their buddy creates a boundary problem, but having a congenial relationship that is elaborative is good, that works.”

For those parents who opt to read his book, Duffy said if there’s one thing he wants them to remember it’s the don’ts of parenting rather than the dos. The book outlines several parenting faux pas parents should avoid, including lectures, micro-managing a child’s life, bribing a child, or coddling a child.

“If you don’t do anything else, just read through that part and erase it from your repertoire,” he said.

While there is a plethora of parenting books on the market, Duffy said his theme of changing a parent’s approach to their relationship with a child sets his book apart. Duffy said many of the other parenting books focus on changing a youth’s attitude.

“It’s a guide for what we can do to be more effective parents,” he said.  

Duffy’s book signing will begin at 7 p.m. on Saturday.