It's hard to believe that it'll be one year on November 12th, that my husband, Dale Fisher passed away suddenly of a massive heart attack. He was a good man, husband and father to our three boys. I know people always say that when someone passes away, but Dale truly was a great guy! Most people will say that they've never met anyone like Dale - he was one of a kind; very considerate, honest, and never said a bad word about anyone.
This past year has been very difficult on me and my boys, with trying to de-clutter and file the many documents that need to get completed when someone passes away. In addition to trying to find a full-time teaching job, grieve and come to terms with the death, and the life ahead of us. Many days I thought I was having a nervous breakdown! On those days, I'd call my lifesaver, my sister Pat, so I could just vent! It worked - you need someone to call when you are grieving, and my family has been wonderful!
We have made progress getting on with our lives by redecorating and changing things in our house and yard to reflect the four of us now. We are still sad but with the help of our wonderful friends, who would just drop by with food, or flowers, or invite us for dinner or a party, send cards and gift cards, call just to talk, or invite me for coffee - it got us through all those lonely days and nights. So "thank you"!! Keeping in touch with me helped more than you could imagine!
My advice to anyone going through the grieving process is take it one day at a time. That's as far as you can think! Some people would try to tell me what to do and to think months ahead and I finally said "stop", I can't think anymore. Don't push it. You will get through it; it just takes time! Give yourself the time you need to think and make good decisions for yourself and your family. I'm glad that I had the foresight to do that, and take lots of deep breaths! Crying is also good - I've cried every day since my husband died, and it does help. I don't seem to cry as much because I have come to terms with his death and I know he'd want me to move on, and take care of our boys. I have done that, and our boys seem to be doing well in college and high school and adjusting to our "new normal". Working parti-time teaching and real estate has kept me busy so I didn't feel sorry for myself. Busy is good!! We will never be the same but we have a strong Catholic faith which has also gotten us through these awful days and nights.
Another good resource is Pillars - Buddy's Place for families that are grieving. The first few months going there were tough - I cired alot but everyone was so nice and helpful that I felt comfortable. There were mostly widows with children, like us, so we felt each other's pain. Each time I seemed to feel better and not as sad.
We have many good memories but still miss him terribly! Although he is not with us, I feel Dale's presence every day and I know he is guiding me in the right direction.
Thanks to all of you who have helped me and my family get through this past year! We could not have done it without you!! Love you all - Joyce, Anthony, Alex and Matt Fisher